he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize