Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
