Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My feet surprised me
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