You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
