i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
