I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize