he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
