I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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