i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
