Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
