no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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