phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Text me some of your sweat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
