Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
