"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
