he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
