It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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