about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
