gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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