I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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