i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
