I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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