think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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