your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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