woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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