Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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