Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize