I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
