sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
