Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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