the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
