after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
