Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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