I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
