Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
