Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
