do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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