This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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