to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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