Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
