So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
