Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
