I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
