More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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