I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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