i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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