the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
