I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
