Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
