Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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