Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
