I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
