I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Couch. On fire.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
