That's when you crack a 10am beer
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
