Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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