you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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