I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
