I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
