When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Randomize
