Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
