I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
