someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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