do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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