D3 body, D1 cock
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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