hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
