Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You have to summon your inner elephant
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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