I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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