I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
