Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
