oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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