So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
