wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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